On how to have and become the best at sex

Animals have better sex than you do! How come? Well, I don’t mean to flaunt, but I believe this article will unlock the secret to the ultimate sex life anyone can unleash and enjoy.

Let me break it for you before you fly too high: there is no such thing as ultimate sex life, nor a perfect sexual partner. Once again, not Cosmo this time, someone made you believe on something unattainable about sex. However, you would not leave this article empty-handed. In here, I will go over those fears and common misrepresentations about sex, genitalia and performance. Furthermore, a few funny and freaky facts about sex and genitalia in the animal kingdom, that may shed some perspective into your sex life.

The grass is always greener on the other side

As in several things, we often are too concerned with what other people think, have, and do, instead of embracing and enjoying what we have or do. Being unsatisfied with oneself is very human-like condition. There is nothing wrong in admiring, desire, or work for a “better” sexual life. Yet sometimes it is hard to look in the mirror, or not to look where ‘the grass is greener’. I would put my hands on fire to say that the part of our bodies that we all feel like we can “improve” is our genitals. I little bit more or less of this or that, and we keep losing the scope on things we did not choose to have.

How many times have you looked your genitals and felt inadequate? “If only it was a bit bigger” “If only my labia would not be that way”. Inevitably, we compare ourselves. That’s ok, what may not be is something very hard to not do, which is to believe we are ‘not enough’, or that ‘it could be better’. For women, research has shown that these thoughts about our body interfere with their sexual desire, arousal, and performance. Conversely, women who have a positive genital self-image report better lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction, and even absence of pain during sex. For men, erectile dysfunction is slowly becoming prevalent among young people, where Viagra consumption has threefold. Although research shows men do appear more satisfied with their genitalia dimensions, perform anxiety in sex is their constant fear breathing on their neck.

No one is the taste of every single person in the world. In fact, chances are way on the opposite end. We don’t know most sex positions, or how to please everyone in bed. It is true, there is no such thing as the ultimate sex life or partner. However, there is something even better than that, and it is already yours: your own sex life; special, unique, shared with whoever you want (even alone at times), and to the fullest. That intimate secret life someone is dying to be part of, even if it is for a single night. Chances are that more than one person secretly desires the most passionate night of sex with you and every inch of that beautiful body nature gave you!

Genitalia in the animal kingdom

Meanwhile we may feel inadequate about our genitalia, other animals enjoy their variety of penises and vaginas. From three-headed penises to vaginas with ‘pockets’, the variety of male and female genitalia in the animal kingdom is beyond comparison.

Evolution works by reproduction. Thus, any a slight variation or improvement in genitalia can make the difference between the animals who pass along their genes and the ones who don’t. So, what is the point of such decorative variation among species? After all, the function of genitalia appears straightforward. A penis deposits the sperm, and the vagina receives and delivers it to the egg. From an anthropocentric perspective, a phallic-like penis and a funnel-like vagina would do just fine. Yet, it is not what we see in reality. Throughout the animal kingdom, genitalia are much more complex organs, for their role go far from just simply deposit or receive a seed.

Every time a new animal is born, slight variations from the genes are selected by nature creating a unique individual. Thus, no penis or vaginas are the same. These variations are the ones that may post an advantage to others to ultimately pass along their genes. For example, penises have evolved to be part of the whole courtership. Male crane flights have a vibrator-like ‘adornment’ which produces a song that reverberates throughout the female’s body when they mate. If the female likes what she hears, she would allow the male to father their offspring. Similarly, some beetles have ‘drumsticks’ on the side of their penis that during mating rub, tap, or spank the female. On the opposite end, female genitalia have evolved to be able to select which male sperm they will bear. For instance, dung flies vaginas are equipped with “pockets” that contain the sperm of different males depending on how appealing they were. Moreover, female chickens eject more sperm after mating with a ‘low-ranking’ male than she mates with a ‘high-ranking’ male.

This furious evolutionary tango of reproduction between penises and vaginas has lead to even more interesting adaptative strategies between males and females to (re)gain control. Male widow spider posses a ‘detachable’ penis tip that remains inside of the vagina after insemination to block the sperm of other competitors. Male rat sperm, for instance, forms a plug that also serves the same purpose. Yet, female vaginas do not remain behind. When a female ducks do not want the long, coil-like penis of the male counterpart, all she has to do is to flex her vagina muscles that will ultimately expel the duck’s penis.

Little has been said or studied in this matter on humans. Most of what is available are hypothesis and speculations. It is believe, for example, that male human semen may be able to induce ovulation in women. Researches also speculate about orgasm and its role in female selection, claiming that the involuntary contractions experienced during orgasm may serve as a ‘sucking’ mechanism to assist insemination. As the evolved specie we are, humans use other strategies to ensure their genes pass to the next generations. For instance, mate guarding tactics help a selection based on partner’s fidelity. A similar strategy that believed to be triggered by environmental adaptation in other animals, like rats.

On why animals have better sex than human

Have you ever been tipsy enough and engaged in sex? That kind of sex in which we care very little, but engage more fully in the moment, not so concerned with how we or our partner looks. Well, animals have that, perhaps most of the times, without the necessity of alcohol.

In my experience as a sex behavioral neuroscientist, I have had the opportunity of knowing plenty of animal sex life, especially about rats. We scientist analyze their behavior and neurochemistry to understand our own human reality and create technology for a better life. Thus, in our endeavours to understand the how everything happens, we need to observe how rats have sex. And here is the trick: they just do it! As simple and obvious as it sounds. If the female wants it, she seeks it out and she gets it. If the male wants it, he has to see if she wants it first to get lucky. But, they don’t look at how overweight one or the other is, their fur, body odors, eye colors, their genitalia shape and dimension, etc. If they both want it, they do it.

Yes, they don’t have the social complexity of our relationships. Although they are capable of feelings, it is not even close to what we experience. It is all in the mind, and guess who controls that? The most important organ when you have sex is your brain. Everything that you feel happens somewhere inside of it. Concerns of everyday that interfere with your ability of achieving an orgasm, those insecurities that weights down on you wondering if you may or may not achieve an erection, the fear of thinking that your genitalia may not be “pretty” or “good enough”. There is no recipe to let those go, nor will you leave your job because it causes you stress and exhausts you hindering feeling ‘in the mood’. Yet, what it is worth a life where you can’t do what you like and want to do? What it takes for you to finally do something about it, or simply just accept who you are, love yourself for it, and share that with the world?

Back to our roots

How great the world would be if we would have just one less thing to be concerned about. How fantastic it would be if that thing were to be sex? Sadly, instead of enjoying what we have and making healthy adjustments to what each of us want or desires, the feelings of inadequacy has taken things even into the OR. There are several cosmetic medical procedures of questionable reputation: vaginal ‘rejuvenation’, vaginoplasticity, ‘revirgination’, and g-spot amplification. None of these have been recognized by the highest authorities in the matter, and no proper studies have been conducted to assess their long-term effect. On the male side, it takes only one visit to any porn site to see the offer of pills and drugs that ‘would make you last longer’ or ‘upgrade” your penis size.

It is not that we are in a downhill, or that there is nothing like the old days. The time is now, and the power is in your hands to find your own way in bed; where you want it, with whoever you want it, however you want it, and for whatever bloody reason you want it. Beyond respect and consent, all which is left is to have fun. You are most certainly a beautiful human being who deserves love and appreciation. Sex is one way to have fun in life, and any other animal knows it. It is up to you how you enjoy yours. The grass is always greener where you water it!

About the author